I thought to start this blog like they do in the AA because it's that
kind of admission today. I am struggling with binge eating, and I
usually do my very best to hide it from everyone. I eat in secret, often
I don't even show it to my husband. I hide candy and chips all over the
house, it's like I'm a squirrel, I'm afraid of the winter or something.
The winter in my case is being afraid that I will feel really bad and
there will be no food. The binge eating has gone so far (and so long,
it's been 30 years now at least) that I have type 2 diabetes by now.
I've been in therapy for over 20 years (I have some serious mental
health problems that also partly cause the Binge Eating Disorder or BED
to be so bad) and in therapy it came up that I probably am sooo very
scared of feeling hungry because my mother had postnatal depression
right after I was born and there were problems with feeding me or
something. But knowing what causes it doesn't help me actually deal with
it better. That's what therapists usually think but for me it does't
work that way.
I've struggled to move my binges to healthierish foods, like i"m now
hiding small packages of almonds throughout the house, and things like
sugar free candy to help with the diabetes, but I still consider
overeating on them small binges. But they're not real binges, with big
binges I now eat between 1 and 2 thousand calories (used to be between 3
and 5 thousand in the past) and it often starts by me actually coming
by a convenience store when I'm upset or if I'm upset enough actually
going there with the goal to get the food I want to binge on. Those
foods are invariably things like chocolate and chips, high fat high carb
foods with a lot of calories and very little nutrients.
My current strategies for binging less are several: plan my meals and
eat every 3 or so hours so my blood sugars and insulin responses do not
cause more binges. Eat low carb (less or equal to 50 g carbs a day) as
much as I can manage so again a hypoglycemic and insulin-reactive
situation do not cause more binges. I take chromium in a significant
dose for the same reason. I do not buy binge foods ahead of time
anymore, and I try to hide stashes of healthier 'coping-foods' now where
they are in easy reach, even though I am still using food then as a
coping mechanism. I prep a lot of my meals and snacks ahead of time so
healthy veggies with ranch and meals are ready and in the front of the
fridge so it is easier to eat something healthy than go and get
something unhealthy. I pack my lunches instead of buying them.
And the last strategy I'm using now is to start fighting through the
emotion that is causing me to want to eat in the first place. I am going
to a group with Dialectic Behavioral Therapy where you learn how to
handle negative emotions. Part of the trick is to allow the negative
emotions a place and not fight them. If you fight them they get stronger
and worse. Let them rage for a while and they will have less control
over you. I haven't been able to power through a full binge craving yet
but I am practicing the methods during less extreme negative emotions.
So I hope that soon I will be ready to try to let the negative emotion
rage instead of eating it away...
Written on Mon, Jan 5, 2015
No comments:
Post a Comment